When does the nausea and vomiting of motion sickness stop?

I don't believe in signs or messages from the universe. Well, unless something bad happens to me and I'm trying to rationalize it or something good happens and I clearly don't deserve it. After numerous horrific flying experiences I have been forced to face the fact that I will not only never be a poised air traveler but as well that you can't outgrow motion sickness. Ned, my high school janitor, lied. In any case, I habitually found the idea of outgrowing any clumsy, ungainly, uncoordinated, and graceless traits of mine comforting. The reality is that I am 27 and still continuing to wait to outgrow some of my blunders.  

I flew to Philly this past weekend. Leaving early Friday morning with a headache and whiskey on my breath from the night before seemed to be the least of my problems. During this traveling experience I managed to throw up 3 times, start my period, and very openly be treated as if though I should be quarantined by the stewardess. Here I thought that one of the main descriptions of a stewardess job was to handle and assist. I didn't blame her. I wanted to be quarantined from my reality.  My return flight was only slightly better with having the honor of sitting in the seat in front of a toddler. These parents should not have been so tightfisted and got the kid his own seat. Not to mention the kid cried the whole time. Oddly enough I didn't throw up. The last flight that I had to take was delayed a few hours. Though this was inconvenient it didn't seem to annoy me as much as it did everyone else. 

Whatever happen to those really awesome reality shows that where based in airports. People go crazy there. Their sense of entitlement and lack of  respect is astonishing. I fortunately managed to receive a very nice marriage proposal from a older lady that just could not wait to be a grandma. Both herself and her son made it very clear that they would take me away to Omaha if I would just say the word.

It was during the last  flight that I was pushed just too far. Everyone who has been on a air-plane has experienced the normal speech that is given in regards to turning off cell phones, Ipods, computers, and any other electrical shit you may have. Now let me say that in the past, such as the previous flight and almost every flight before that I have NOT turned off my Ipod. I get it. Its so wrong and will or can possibly crash the air-plane, ugh. You should just know now I break rules. This isn't my point. My Ipod had just died and I was just too damn lazy to take it out of my ears. I didn't even think about it until the stewardess walked over and asked me to turn it off. I plainly said, " Its off."

As the stewardess continued to show us the pamphlet of safety, " If your baby needs a life vest in a unlikely case of a water accident please refer to your pamphlet in the seat in front of you so that you can locate one on the air-plane." That's right! You have to find one on the air-plane for your kid, its not built into your seat or going to come out of the ceiling of the air-plane. I wonder what kind of maneuvers you would have to take to get one of these life life vest for your child. I have looked at this pamphlet and most planes only have two infant life vest. The last air-plane I was on before this one had 8 babies on it.

So this same stewardess comes up to me and once again says, "excuse me but can you turn off your Ipod." She walked off before recognizing that I said in a very clear voice, "its off." I closed my eyes and laid my head against the window anxiously awaiting our take off when I feel someone tapping my shoulder. Once more she states that she needs me to turn off my Ipod. Before I could even stop myself I said, "Lady its off!!" 

stewardess: " Are we going to have a problem here?"

me:              " no."
stewardess: " well, can you please put it away?"

At which point she walks off only to get on the intercom and make a announcement that All electrical devices need to not only be turned off but put away as well.  Nothing more happened during the flight, she ignored me and went on to do her stewardess duties. She did however skip my section when it came to getting a complimentary cookie.  This didn't matter to the guy sitting next to me since he was asleep the whole time.          I wanted that cookie.